This Feeling
by Stellata
Summary: Kirk insists on learning more about Spock Prime - and is rewarded with memories of the love his other self shared with Spock. Now Jim can't help but think on these memories while he works with his Vulcan first officer... Kirk/Spock pre-slash.


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek in any way.

Note: This is only pre-slash for our movie-verse Kirk and Spock, although there are mentions of happy, slashy love between our TOS Kirk and Spock. This story is set during the lovely movie of 2009. Only a one-shot for now, a sequel is likely.

* * *

"So you do feel," James T. Kirk gasped as he stepped away from Spock.

He had just seen at least week's of memories belonging to the now-ancient Vulcan. It was hard to reconcile these with what he knew of the young Spock that Kirk had met only yesterday. He had been so detached, so unemotional...

But Jim wanted to be sure. He wanted to understand even more...

"Show me more," Kirk demanded. He stepped forward and grabbed Spock's hand, pulling it to his cheek just as he brought his own hand up to the Vulcan's face.

Spock gasped and his eyes fluttered closed. He was surprised, but Kirk could instantly feel his emotions... Relief and gratitude for finally being touched, after so long alone... To have his Kirk touching him.

His Kirk? Jim demanded to know what that meant, and Spock sighed and helped him to understand.

_Conversing with Spock over chess, unable to stop smiling - pushing Spock out of the way of gunfire - grabbing his hand as they ran across a cliff ledge - mind melding for the first time - holding Spock's injured body to his lap, screaming at the injustice - coming so close to losing his Spock, his best friend, again... _

_ Finally doing something, pulling Spock to him and kissing him hard - tumbling into bed, clothes flying, tongues intwining, hands caressing - Spock sinking into him, filling him, kissing him gently - coming apart in Spock's arms, then being put back together piece by piece, even better each time - whispering words, love you, forever - til death do us... Dying, leaving Spock alone to years of quiet mourning, with nothing left but the memories... Then one more memory, of him laying with Spock in a forest, arms wrapped around each other, whispering to each other..._

_ My Jim._

_ My Spock._

_ Thy'la._

_ Yes. All yours. And mine..._

Spock gently released him.

Kirk couldn't move from where he stood, so he shivered in place.

"You wanted the full truth."

Slowly, Jim raised his eyes to look at the elderly Vulcan, who looked at him so wistfully, so sadly, and he knew it was all true.

"Yes - thank you. I'm just... surprised. Spock and I..." Jim shuddered again, trying to ignore his own arousal. "We..."

"Can be so much together," the elderly Spock said simply. "But first..."

* * *

Kirk went through with the plan, trying to keep his emotions in check. But with every word he threw at Spock, he felt like crying - he knew he was destroying his chance of having a future with his Spock as his other self had had with Spock Prime...

"You never loved her!"

Then Spock was roaring, lunging at him, and Kirk had to fight for his life. Spock was a demon in combat... But he was even more passionate in bed, Kirk remembered, feeling a flicker of arousal even as he tried to dodge.

But he was being knocked back every time. Spock was going to win - was going to kill him - before Jim could do anything, anything at all... He was going to die, Jim thought, and looking up into the eyes of Spock, he almost didn't care. Nobody else got this much emotion from him - it was only him, James T Kirk, who could provoke Spock to such passion.

Then he was released, and Spock left the bridge, looking utterly broken, and Jim struggled with himself not to throw himself after the former Acting Captain...

Instead, he followed through with the plan. The plan that led to him and Spock getting ready to beam to Nero's ship and save the day.

Then Uhura had kissed Spock... Jim clenched his fists and tried his best to be flippant in order to mask the jealousy he felt...

"It's going to work," he promised Spock.

Against all odds - 4.3 percent chance of succeeding, Spock had said - they had been triumphant. They had saved the whole planet - well, that is, Earth - together.

Yet even when it was all over, and he was smiling and accepting praise, Kirk could not forget what had been lost. Vulcan, and over six billion of its people - were gone.

Jim wanted to run and find Spock, and hold him in his arms and comfort him.

But Spock already had Uhura for that.

So James T. Kirk sat in his room alone, for once not out chasing skirts. He had accomplished his dream of becoming Captain... But now he had a dream that was even more important.

He wanted Spock. In every way, in every place, in every position possible...

Jim quivered just thinking about the elderly Spock's memories of him making love to Kirk.

"I will make it happen," Jim told himself.

Because James T. Kirk didn't always get the girl... But he always got his man.


End file.
